Saturday, March 08, 2008

You know you're Parsi when...



-Your mom wakes you up extra early on the first day of school/your parsi birthday so that she can do tili and sagaan. You go to school and your friends ask you why the hell you have rice in your hair.

-You compulsively drink tea at all hours of the day[in India you wake up your servants at 3 am and tell them to make you tea]

-If you're a girl, you've had a thing for a Parsi guy at least once

-If you're a guy, you avoid Parsi girls.

-You stress out over the most ridiculous things.

-You know the precise definition of ben chod and madder chod and you teach them to your friends.

-You're off the marriage market if you get too tan.

-However, if you're fair enough, it doesn't matter what you look like or how smart you are, you'll get a decent spouse.

-You know at least 3 ways to use oil. Only 2 of which include cooking.

-You've had to drink cow piss at least once in your life.

-You've bathed in milk and rose petals at least once in your life.

-You've had to change your clothes in front of 400 people, while your mom and the rest of the women in the family were holding up a cloth so that nobody could see you.

-You've had to pull off wearing 5-9 yards of silk wrapped around you.

-You've had the equivalent of at least one peg of brandy by age 10.

-Your parents have decided who you should marry by age 10.

-Aunties have seen you as Vohu[daughter-in-law] material since age 5.

-You're ridiculously pampered if you're a boy, especially the first boy.

-Nobody can every pronounce your first and/or last name properly.

-When ordering a drink at Starbucks you've give a name that is pronounceable to the American public. Ex. Phiroze becomes Phil.

-You give your dog a tili on his/her birthday.

-You buy a new car and the first things you do:
oYou take an egg, spin it around the car seven times
and throw the egg on the ground
oYou put a tili on all 4 tires and on the front bumper.
oYou roll over some lemons and eggs with the tires.

-You've eaten about every single type of food.. "per edu"

-You eat at least 3 eggs a day but will still probably live into your 90's.

-You go on Facebook and Myspace looking for other Parsis.

-You've been asked why there's a "string" hanging from the back of your shirt.

-Indians never believe you when you say you're from there.

-People were drunk at your first birthday party.

-If you marry a "parjat"[non-parsi] your parents will disown you for a year or two but then eventually come around, though never entirely.

-Your uncle gave you champagne when you were 4 days old.

-All of your sadhras have a little red letter on it with your initial.

-Your middle name is your father's name... no if's and's or but's about it... doesn't matter if you're male or female.

-More than likely your last name ends in –walla, -wala, -vala, or –ia.

-Your last name also more than likely means some type of profession or where you're from.

-You've felt the need to snap three times when somebody says something bad or when there's anything that might suggest Ahriman's[the devil's] influence.

-You'd be skinned alive if you ever wore black to a wedding, navjote, birthday or your own family's party.

-Wearing a ring on your left hand before marriage is bad luck and means you'll never get married.

-Your idea of a blessing is to have a bunch of rice and rose petals pelted at you.

-You've been told never to eat fish with yogurt.

-You never cut your hair on Hormaz roj or during the Mukhtads.

-You are vegetarian on certain days.

-You know that peacocks are bad luck.

-You'd pick yellow gold over any metal any day.

-You celebrate New Year 3 times a year. Once on January 1st with the rest of the world. Once in Spring for Navroze, and once in August for Pateti.

-You have two birthdays and get presents on both days.

-If you're a girl, you've mastered the fine art of cutting an onion by age 9.

-You've had a cold and been forced to drink milk and haldi, which didn't even help your cold but on top of that gave you a stomach ache.

-If you're a boy, your mom has to teach you to do laundry when you go to college or you just save it until you come home.

-You know about the mystical powers of 4711 Eau de Cologne… AKA COLON WATER because Parsis can't speak French if their life depended on it

-Your parents make you drink brandy when you're sick, and whisky if they think you might be getting sick.

-Your friends come to a Parsi party and think you have a ridiculously huge family because you call everyone auntie or uncle.

-You wore a jabloo as a child.

-You have to go to India or Iran to go to temple.

-You give your dogs either parsi names or name them after alcohol (ie. Brandy, Whiskey, Rum, Sherry, Gin, etc.).

-Said dog loves parsi food.

-You use expressions like "Khodai!" or "Bapre" or "Oh mari maire" all the time.

-You eat onions with EVERYTHING and absolutely love it.

-You fry onions in mass quantities to add to everything you eat on a daily basis.

-Akoori isn't akoori without at least 40 eggs.

-You give birthday money, donations, gift certificate setc. in amounts ending in one, you don't care that non-parsis look at you strangely when you do this.

-Your parents don't mind when you come back from any sort of religious event with your hair smelling like smoke.

-You never quite know what ethnicity to fill out on your college applications.

-You know that no Parsi home is complete without one of the three: a dog, a rooster, or a pomegranate tree

-You have an inexplicable love for all things british and consider the Queen your "rani"

-Your parents say they are leaving then talk for half an hour at the door, therefore you never take them seriously when they say it's time to leave.

-You shamelessly gossip about other parsis
Ex. You go over to someone's house or they come over to yours and two minutes after they/you leave, you start talking about them

- you don't cut your nails after sunset or on sundays, cause your granny said its bad luck

- A non-Parsi you meet finds out you are Parsi and immediately mentions another Parsi person they know expecting you to know them too (although that's actually right a lot of the time!)

- You have to have rice as part of at least one meal everyday

- You cant speak Hindi to save your life

- You were really into carrom at some point in your life

- Your superheroes as a kid consisted of Rustom and Sohrab (those were the bedtime stories narrated by your dad)

-You know that a girl can't start spouse hunting unless she can make dhansak

-You teach all your non-zoro friends to snap their fingers three times if they say/see bad things

-Your mother or grandmother always said "dont say Ahrimanic things or cry at night!" but even if you would say the same thing in the day, they still yell at/pinch you.

-You get a hair cut and your mom makes you go straight for a bath

-You get annoyed when your American friends say Chai Tea (b/c saying Tea Tea is so damn redundant)

-You don't cut your nails at night otherwise the "bhoot" will come.


Regards,
Mahernoz

"This is taken from an Email forwarded to me by Russy Wadia"

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